Mick Jagger's Shirts: Exhibit A

Mick Jagger's shirts are not like other shirts. They possess many powers. They absorb many secrets. Mick Jagger's shirts want to live among us and are here to make us happy.

Mick Jagger's shirts have the ambition and resources to wear a rock star while other shirts chose to wear ordinary people.

Mick Jagger's shirts have seen things that they can never un-see.

Each one of Mick Jagger's shirts contains a single thread from the Shroud of Turin sewn secretly into the architecture of its fabric. The God Particle is said to be one of Mick Jagger's old buttons. It popped off the top pocket of a brown corduroy button-down with fraying cuffs and a coffee stain on the left elbow one afternoon in 1967 after Mick Jagger snagged it while zipping his jacket.

Mick Jagger's shirts can neither be created nor destroyed. They come into being and pass out of consciousness, manipulating the void. They occasionally surface on eBay, but only to those who need them most.

I sat behind one of Mick Jagger's shirts at an off-Broadway show about a shipwrecked man who eventually rode a sea turtle. I stared at the back of the big, bulky, green and white Bill Cosby sweater wearing Mick Jagger to the theater, and understood instantly that to touch that shirt would be to absorb all the knowledge and understanding of the universe, to achieve enlightenment through a woven, wool conduit.

I decided that I was not yet ready to achieve enlightenment.

Here is another one of Mick Jagger's shirts: